


Smashed

by Not_You



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Drunkenness, Gen, HULK FIGHT YOU :D, Humor, Science Bros, canon past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 20:13:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_You/pseuds/Not_You
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I'm not sure if this has been prompted before, but I just watched an interview with RDJ and Ruffalo and now I want something inspired by this dialogue:</p><p>Someone: ... between Iron Man and the Hulk, who would win?<br/>Tony: Hulk would win, but I'd try to get him drunk first. Like, it's pretty easy to beat up a drunk guy.<br/>Bruce: *snickers* Especially a drunk Hulk...</p><p>(Thus ran the prompt.  Below, Hulk drinks a brewery.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smashed

Hulk isn't sure what's in the tanks, but he's very thirsty. He cracks one open and tastes. It's bitter, but that's all right. Tea is bitter, and he likes tea. Puny Banner is trying to say something about the stuff in the tanks, that it's bad. But it doesn't taste bad, and it doesn't smell like what their father drank. It's a little like, but this smells different. And Hulk is so thirsty. It's hot out even though the sun is down, and Hulk has been running for a long time. He took care of the bad things, and now he's just waiting for his team to catch up. There's nothing to drink but what's in the tanks, so he drinks it. He's just finishing when Metal Man comes flying over. He waves, but somehow waving makes him fall over. But that's okay. Hulk is Hulk, falling doesn't hurt.

"Hey, big guy. All the robots gone?"

"SMASHED BAD THINGS," Hulk agrees, and laughs because being on the floor is funny.

"...You feeling all right?"

"HULK FEEL FINE."

"So, uh, what happened to all these tanks?"

"HULK THIRSTY."

"Oh, shit."

"Tony?" Cap isn't here, but his voice is, on the little ear things.

"Jolly Green has it under control, but he sorta drank a brewery."

"...What?"

"HULK THIRSTY. TANKS CLOSE."

"He drank a brewery. I mean, I can probably afford new tanks and a batch of beer, but I think we've got a drunk Hulk on our hands."

"HULK FEEL FUNNY," Hulk volunteers.

"Oh, Christ. We'll be right there."

"So, you okay?"

"HULK FINE."

"You sure?"

He balls up big green fists and waves them at Metal Man. "HULK FIGHT YOU."

"You're gonna fight me, huh?"

"YES. HULK FIGHT YOU." He flops onto his back, still waving his fists, and then laughing as he lets them fall to the floor. Metal man lands beside him and flips his face up to show Tony's grin.

"What are we fighting about?"

"...HULK NOT KNOW." He laughs again.

A year later, Tony and Bruce are taking questions after speaking to a group of high school kids who love science too much. They've only got time for one more, and Tony points to a kid in the back. "You. Yeah, you, with the caffeine molecular diagram shirt. What's your question?"

"So, uh, between Iron Man and Hulk, who'd win a fight?"

"Hulk would win, but I'd try to get him drunk first. Like, it's pretty easy to beat up a drunk guy."

There's a roar of laughter at that, and Bruce just grins, eyes sparkling behind his glasses. "Especially a drunk Hulk..."


End file.
